Please be advised that today's episode includes scenes of graphically described torture.
Thea, unknowing how long you have in this room, you have stripped completely naked.
True, someone could be in it in five minutes, but Thea's like, this might be the only time
I get to have in this bed.
Exactly.
Archin Iseldra Yeth is prepared to see you now.
We find ourselves bound in common cause against common enemies.
I am authorized by our eternal master, Szass Tam.
Give us the straight goods here, Nihilmitch.
How did that go for us?
There is much deliberation and she will take all things said into account and make
a decision by morning.
Okay, I got an offer on the table from Szass Tam to get Bort out of my head.
Sounds like he wants me to join his army.
If he helps me out, should I take the offer?
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, we're a D&D 5th Edition Actual Play Podcast and I'm your
dungeon master Russ Morn.
With me today is Karla Johnson.
Whoa, first threw me off.
I'm playing Laura Moonbrook.
And Tom Laird.
And I play Flint Firebeard and Bort.
Bort gets a mention?
He made the credits.
You know he's in the credits now.
Well I'm starting the episode as Bort so he gets his due.
And Amy More.
Wife of the dungeon master, but don't be fooled, that comes with actually a lot more
let down than it does any sort of bonuses.
And I play Thea Amastasia.
I think that's the exact same thing you said in episode one.
Is it really?
Pretty close.
Really?
Well it still holds true today.
I thought he was going to say, that's the exact same thing you said in our
vows.
So.
He was going to say, I don't know why, it wouldn't have made sense then.
Becoming your wife is going to come along with a lot more let downs.
Also if your vow was that you're marrying your dungeon master, that would be a real
interesting wedding ceremony.
It's really filling us in on a lot of information about your wedding that we didn't
know.
Exactly.
I saw wedding pictures, they didn't seem dungeon-y.
They looked spandered.
It happened after all the photography was done and everyone got in place.
It was the secret second ceremony.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Cool.
So how's everybody doing today?
So sorry to put that visual in everyone's minds.
That's just not...
It makes me laugh.
I like it.
I'm not sorry about it.
It's all good.
Yup.
Doing well here.
Doing good.
Good.
It's now December.
Holy moly.
It's almost Christmas.
And you know we're doing special Christmas bonus episodes.
Not Christmas bonus episodes.
We're doing special Christmas episodes.
Which I've totally planned and am ready for.
You sound ready for it.
You sound confident.
And I believe it.
But I brought them up here so that we have to do them now.
Setting expectations.
Is this your way of retconning things?
Setting expectations.
Yup.
Such a manipulator.
Yup.
Of himself.
So that's okay.
Yeah.
I mean really he just signed himself up for a lot of work.
He's just hacking his own brain.
Exactly.
The only way you can get actual bonus episodes is over on Patreon.
Where we have a lovely community over at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Which we just love to have you over there.
It's like a big family.
It is a big family.
And every episode we dedicate an episode to a lucky patron.
And today that patron is David Ginsburg.
David Ginsburg.
Yay.
Thanks David.
David.
You're awesome.
Tales from the fandom.
Tales from the five nations podcasts.
It certainly feels like that interview we did was forever ago.
It was quite a long time ago.
Forever.
Like a year.
Yeah that one where we just talked about snacks.
More than a year.
Yeah.
Yup.
I think that was all of our interviews that we did.
We just talked about not what we do.
Lots of snacks.
Yeah that sounds right.
Sure.
Speaking of which let me tell you about Hacky Sack Guy.
Oh yeah.
Thank god we didn't forget.
Snack rhymes with hack.
We're getting there.
This was the real cliffhanger from last episode.
Totally.
I wish I thought of like a funny way to tell this story but it is kind of funny generally.
Okay.
So I live in a condo and there's like several buildings that sort of form a triangle
around the parking lot.
And one morning I heard this like loud kind of like guttural sounds.
And what I actually thought it was was sometimes there are homeless people that like cut
through.
It was very early.
Well not very early in the morning.
Like 730 in the morning.
And I thought they were yelling at each other.
Well not fighting but like sometimes they yell at each other and like I just thought
that's what it was.
So I go to the window to look and no no that is not what it was.
It was instead my neighbor with no shirt on.
Like aggressively playing hacky sack by himself.
Well he's just doing that Rocky montage.
No like it is that is seriously how he treats it.
He is like dripping sweat and like the grunting was like a tennis player or like
that dude at the gym that everyone hates.
Like that's what he's doing.
But it's like everyone in all three buildings can hear him because he is like in the
sound vortex with no shirt on.
He just wants a friend.
For so long.
Yeah he's he's it's a cry for help.
It's a hacky sack mating call.
It's what he wants.
And so he does that occasionally just even like last week not with no shirt on with
a tank top on.
Well it is getting cold.
It's a little chillier now.
Yep.
He kind of drives me crazy with his look at me antics.
He's just screaming look at me all the time and it kind of drives me crazy.
Carla does not appreciate his lack of modesty.
I don't mind the lack of modesty.
I do like the I don't know.
I don't know.
Is he good at hacky sack?
Like did you watch him long enough?
He's very good.
No like he's very good.
There's nothing about it that is like what he's doing is bad.
It's just how like obnoxious he is about it that I dislike.
I don't care that he has no shirt on.
I don't care that he's doing it in the public space.
I just wish he could just like sweetie.
So like if I went into the middle of your parkade and set up a canvas and started aggressively
grunting and painting you would have the same problem with me.
I think I would.
Yes.
You know what maybe he's just hoping.
It's really hard to aggressively admit.
So that's the hacky sack guy.
It kind of ruins the punchline when you know he's called hacky sack guy before I
tell the story.
That's true when she's able to build up the story.
Because the reveal that he what he is doing is hacky sacking is kind of disappointing
because I have had people over before who thought there was like my neighbors were
boning real loud.
That's not what it is.
It's better.
It's just dude hacky sack guy.
It's like an all hours kind of hacky sack thing.
Hacky sack guy if you're if you're an avid listener of dumpsons and dragons.
He's listening.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure you're very nice.
Just go knock on Carla's door.
I am the hacky sack king on Twitter.
Apologize for the fact that you're hacky sacking so aggressively and then you
know come play Dumbgeons and Dragons with us so we can find out like what
tournaments you're in like that.
Why are you seems like a real jock.
But you know maybe he plays D&D maybe there's an underground hacky sack
tournament like hacky sack thing that we don't know about.
Do you think maybe soccer players play hacky sack in the off season to keep
their leg.
But skills like how it's like skaters and hockey skaters do ballet.
They'll play soccer in the hallways too before their games just to like get
their feet moving.
All of these things are possible.
We've given him a back story.
All right fine.
He's a wonderful person.
He's a competitive athlete.
I'm a real jerk.
I feel really connected to this guy now.
I don't know why.
I think you know what I think you really want.
He wants someone to videotape and put him up on YouTube as that weird grunting
hacky sack guy.
That's why I don't like it.
Yeah.
So do that and he'll be found and then maybe he'll go away.
Put it up on your social media feed Carla that everybody follows.
Should I put it on my Twitter that I haven't been on in four years.
Yeah that's the one.
That's what's going to make him huge.
It would be real interesting if you just all of a sudden started tweeting about
this hacky sack dude after four years of no activity on Twitter.
Yeah.
Be like guys I have to tell you about something.
I wonder how many followers Carla has.
This is a thread.
Yeah totally.
It's like a 20 tweet thread that I have.
You should tweet about it every time you see him.
Be like oh hacky sack grunter guy is back.
How many followers do you think you have Carla?
I don't know.
20?
310.
Whoa.
Are they all like Russian bots?
Good question.
No.
Follower of our podcast.
Lots of people who follow our podcast.
So you should probably get your ass on there.
I would also just like to say Carla.
You have more than twice as many followers as I do.
I only have 78 and I post like once a week.
Well I used to be real active.
It used to be my job right.
Now I don't care anymore.
Guys someone named Amy More just liked my tweet.
Oh my god she's so famous.
She has a podcast.
Oh my god.
This is our new podcast.
What are we doing on social media?
Social media recaps.
Yeah.
How to social media.
Carla's neighbor gossip and social media recap.
Fuck it.
Let's play D&D.
Can we like dice this episode?
Maybe.
Tom got to.
I got to roll like two different times.
I know.
We got to roll like.
We did do that one.
To see if something happened.
Parisma checks.
Yeah.
It was persuasion.
Parisma.
Yeah I got you.
But it wasn't enough for me.
I'm craving more.
When you don't play D&D for so long.
It's been a long time since we've really seriously rolled dice.
I mean.
I'm the dagger.
I need blood.
You've just.
I mean you've entered a negotiation arc though so.
Damn it.
I know.
It's easy to test our skills and be like.
Let's even see if you're worthy for us to fight with and then.
So previously you had a lovely conversation with Tharchia.
Tharchia Naceldra.
Yeah.
I think I was actually kind of rude.
I don't.
Yeah.
She didn't like you.
It was kind of both.
It was a two way street on that one I think.
But then you went back to your rooms and.
Flint as you know it.
Said he's not wearing any underwear.
As you were talking about some deal he was trying to do.
That's the less important part clearly.
I'm not wearing any underwear.
Cool.
Good to know.
That's.
I just like to keep you guys appraised.
Of your underwear.
I mean we were kind of having a pretty serious conversation about like.
Zaz Tam.
And the fate of you and Bort.
You were going to go have to fight with an undead army or something.
Yeah.
So I mean cool about the underwear.
I should take that deal right?
I would get more information on it first.
I think he needs some deets.
It was real thin on the particulars.
Okay.
And I head into my room and close the door.
Okay.
Is that weird to you?
Bit weird.
He really wanted to get back to that wheel of cheese that he was trying to leave
with earlier I guess.
It was pretty big.
So what are you doing?
Sleepover?
Yes.
I'll keep my clothes on.
Remember we like to do that.
We don't have to actually like have a sleepover.
But you know we'll like have some girl time like we like to have on the train
where we gossip and we eat snacks.
What kind of room you got?
Ice palace?
Okay we're going to my room.
Chool.
Chool?
Chult.
Oh Chool is those crap things.
Those are those horrible crap monsters.
That's a bad theme room.
It's got the Chool theme room.
Chult.
Chult theme.
Chult.
Sounds decadent.
Let's go.
Alright.
We're going to have girlie time.
Bort you have just slammed the door and entered into your tree palace.
Yep I go and immediately pick up that bell for service and ring it.
A moment goes by and a knock comes to the door.
Come on in.
The door here click and then slowly creak open and the same gentleman pale faced human stands
at the door and says yes master fire beard.
Sure.
I need more details on Zast Ham's deal for me.
Like I know before you said he wasn't going to meet with me but I need to talk to him.
Yeah see that's an issue.
Zast Ham doesn't speak directly to many people.
Can I like stand outside the door while it's closed and we can have a conversation
that way?
Any questions you have for him you can direct at me and if I don't have the answer I will
certainly get it for you.
Okay because I kind of feel like I did ask you the question before but I'll ask
it again.
Okay.
So if I agree to this deal is this something that starts immediately or can I go handle
this Tiamat situation and then come and serve in his forces?
Are they not one in the same at this point?
Well this is what I'm trying to understand as I feel like the pretty big threat is
the one that we're working towards here but when I asked this before you didn't
seem to really give me a great answer on it.
So if we are to go ahead I mean who's to say joining the undead army does not stop
the rise of Tiamat in and of itself?
Well I mean if we failed in preventing that then I think we're all kind of fucked
aren't we?
You're right.
But wouldn't it be better to have all of our able forces tackling this problem
before going off for these other missions?
In fact we would have two more abled forces joining our cause and going off
and dealing with these issues.
Okay I feel like we're not speaking the same language here.
I mean I want to go with those two others I've been hanging around with so
long.
Yes.
And help them instead of going with whatever your plan is and then I'll
join you guys afterwards.
So you don't want our assistance then?
Oh my god.
A lot of double talk happening here.
It's very circular.
Roll a d20.
For the worst roll.
Three.
You're still born.
He's not doing well.
No it's fine.
He's not doing well.
What the deal is is while you are in Faye we will remove whomever from
whichever body and place the other one into another vessel and then you will
join Saztam's undead army.
A, B.
There's no C. It's just A then B.
I was waiting for what C was.
Okay well I mean I want to get out of this.
I mean I want to get them out of my head but I just I can't I can't agree to
that.
I feel like I'd be abandoning them.
But again I would give you my word and besides you'd get a bonus person
right off the bat.
Right.
Like maybe take that back to Saztam and see what he says.
We've dealt with people previously who said don't worry about it.
I'll come back.
And then when they reconsider joining an undead army they don't come back.
Is it bad dental?
It's a really bad dental plan.
They don't match your RSP.
It's really a headache.
As previously stated no pressure but the deal is only good while you are in Faye.
That kind of inherently builds pressure into it.
You can sleep on it.
It's not a problem.
All right I'll sleep on it.
All right.
Do I ring this again or are you just going to leave?
I will back out of the room.
Don't worry.
Sound effects are running as we speak and there is a door closed in the
The footsteps have gone from loud clip clops to quieter clip clops.
Bort's just going to like rage eat for a little while.
He's going to demolish that wheel of cheese.
Okay Thea and Nularaaaia you're in the Chult room.
What are you doing?
Just like cocktails and eating snacks.
I'm braiding her hair.
Gossiping about who we think is cute.
You know.
So give me some of that.
So the red wizard three to the left of Angry Bitch.
With the dark hair?
Yes with the dark hair.
You liked him?
Oh yeah.
Okay this is going to sound gross.
But bear with me if he wasn't undead.
His skin tone was normal and his hair wasn't gross.
What about the servant guy?
Oh god.
Like undead.
Un undead.
That's a lot to look past though Nularaaaia.
I mean I have a fanciful imagination but even that has its limits.
Also I can't get past the undead part of it.
It's horrifically like unnatural.
Horrifically.
Agreed.
Also what if his pecker fell off?
What if he doesn't even have one because it's already fallen off?
Oh my god.
I don't know what's going on down there with an undead person.
Yeah.
Oh okay so also Flint.
Super weird right?
Yeah what was that about?
Serious conversation.
We're talking about like the fate of you know his life.
And then just under like what?
Dude.
Interprobes.
I mean it's been very stressful.
Do you think he maybe snapped a little bit?
Maybe.
I mean he's got a person in his head.
It's I don't know.
Maybe.
I can't even imagine what that would be like having someone in your head just talking to you all the time.
Yeah what's that like?
Yeah.
Yeah that does.
It would be exhausting.
Yeah absolutely.
Wouldn't it?
There's no way he can take that deal.
Not without understanding what he is agreeing to.
There's gotta be another wizard somewhere.
His whole life of fighting with the undead army?
Well yeah.
Do they mean to make him undead?
I was wondering the same thing right?
Join our undead army.
Let's split you up and I don't know kill you and reanimate you.
Yeah.
No way.
So you continue to talk the night away.
Flint Bort do you do anything?
Flort.
Anything hasty?
No he's sufficiently eaten himself into a coma so he's good.
Alright.
Thea Nularaaaa do you go to your respective rooms?
Do you just pass out where you are?
Slash meditations.
I go back to my room because I'm going to need more sleep than my girl Thea right?
Alright.
I imagined, I just had like a little thing in my head where Bort forgets that he is
the size of a dwarf and not like rocking some sort of like dragonborn bod and goes
to like hop like one leg two leg into the hammock and misses completely and it's
like the fuck.
I need to get out of this body.
It's so bad.
And that's why I was kind of getting a drink.
Sorry.
I say goodbye to Nularaaaa and I get super comfy on my bed and I meditate.
You begin your meditation.
Nularaaaa and Bort has passed out.
Nularaaaa you return to your room and Nularaaaa and Flint and Bort make a wisdom
saving throw as you drift off into dreamland.
Oh fuck.
The fuck.
Flint, Tom you're going to make two.
I got a 16.
You're going to make two there Flint.
You're going to make two?
Tom.
Are they both wisdom?
They're both wisdom saving throws.
One for you, one for Bort.
16 and 18.
Bort's got some plus wisdom y'all.
So wait, sorry, Bort made the 18?
Both of them.
You told me to roll two.
Yeah, so well there's Bort and there's Flint.
You're making one for each of them.
Well the first one was Bort, that was a 16 and then it's a 15 for Flint.
Okay.
And an 18 for me.
You drift off to sleep.
Nularaaaa, you, your head hits the pillow and you fall asleep quite quickly from all the margaritas you were having
with your good friend Thea.
And you drift off into a restless sleep.
Flint and Bort, you eat yourself into a comatose state
and you're not sure how much time passes
but you wake up and you're in a chamber over what looks like a bubbling cauldron
with tentacles holding your individual limbs because you have separated now.
You are Flint with no dragon scales and behind you you feel the back of Bort
who are two separate people now.
Around the room you see a dozen red wizards
observing your current state
while three other red wizards brandish weapons
as they stand around you in this cauldron.
You hear one of them speak up, you're not sure which one
and he says we have further questions for you.
Well I guess I'm not really in a state to deny you
so feel free to ask.
Bort said that.
What does Flint say to that?
Flint kind of leans back his head a little bit and turns and says like
what did you do man?
One of the cult members begins to walk towards Bort
and he asks how long have you been tracking the cult's movements?
I feel like I've answered this question before.
It's been a while now.
A couple years?
A couple months?
I don't know, it just seems so long.
Make Bort's prob...
I'm going to get you to make a...
I mean Bort wasn't there for the initial...
Make a deception check for Bort on this one.
No bonus so 17.
He nods and one of the other red wizards steps forward to Flint
and he looks at you Flint and he says why are you here?
That's a real good question, I don't know.
Where are we?
In Faye.
Okay, I mean again though I don't know why I'm here.
Why am I here?
Seems like a question you can answer for me.
Make a persuasion check.
That's an 11.
He pulls forward a large scythe and he rakes it across the front of your chest.
I don't react at all, I just take it.
The red wizard to Bort, why do you care?
Because I'm trapped in this guy's body, or at least I was, I don't really know what's going on here.
Make a persuasion check.
Come on Bort you persuasive motherfucker.
A 13.
He pulls a large spiked whip out and he begins to thrash at Bort.
Blood begins to pour from Bort's side down into the bubbling cauldron as the tentacles rise higher up on both of your bodies.
The red wizard to Flint says what stake do you have in saving Faye Rune?
I mean it's my home, my family, my friends, everything.
Make a persuasion check.
Ooh Nat 20.
He asks Flint another question.
What do you know of Severn's plans?
Well I know he's got, or at least is trying to get the dragon masks.
He's recruited some exiled wizards to aid him.
All in bringing back Tiamat.
Make a persuasion check.
Nine, that was a good one.
As you finish saying that, the barbed whip comes around and latches into your body from the other side.
He pulls across your chest, exposing your rib cage off to the side.
Make a constitution saving throw.
So that's a 20, but it wasn't a natty.
Yeah, I mean it hurts like a motherfucker, but if you don't want to react, you don't have to react.
I mean I kind of, kind of, like, the breath gets knocked out of me, but I'm hanging in there.
Why does Severn want Tiamat to rise?
I mean, I don't know.
I imagine he's just like some sort of crazy fanatic who wants to see his queen back.
Make a persuasion check.
That's legit.
Seems to make sense, right?
That is a 15.
He steps back, coiling up his whip.
To Flint, what claim does Rath Modar have in this battle?
Well, as far as I can tell, he's hungry for power.
He thinks that by helping Severn bring Tiamat back, that he's going to get everything he wants,
and he can overthrow Zaztam? Is that the name?
Make a persuasion check.
A 14.
Hey, 14's pretty charismatic, Ross.
It is, I know.
Raises his scythe and begins to step towards you, and you feel the tentacles begin to crush your legs.
Make a constitution saving throw.
That's a 14.
You hear popping in your knees, and you feel your joints being ground down.
Flint's definitely feeling that one.
Bort. And Flint hears this question, as he has all the others.
This one's directed to Bort.
How do your allegiances lie with our eternal master, Zaztam?
Well, I mean, right now, I'm not thinking they're very good.
Make a persuasion check.
That's a 17.
Flint heard the question, but didn't hear the response.
The red wizard in front of Flint asks the same question.
How do your allegiances lie with our eternal master, Zaztam?
Well, I was told we had the night to sleep on it, but I guess that's not the case.
I'm guessing not very good for me.
Persuasion check.
17.
He steps back.
Given the power of the dragon masks, who do you trust to protect them within the council of Waterdeep?
I don't trust the council to protect them. I would trust the metallic dragons.
Persuasion check.
17.
The red wizard steps back, as do the others in the room.
The tentacles begin to churn and crush both you, Flint, and Bort, to the point where you begin to black out.
That sounds about right.
You wake up the next morning, roll a d20.
It's a 12.
So you wake up and you're Flint.
Okay. I immediately like frantically grab at my knees.
You feel the ache and the pain from all of the things that were done to both you and to Bort.
But you look down and your legs are fine.
Your ribs and your chest and everywhere you were cut and where Bort was lashed and where you were lashed are fine.
You look down at the hammock and the ropes where you were lying, which would have touched the wounds that you thought you incurred, are stained red.
That's fucked up.
That is fucked up.
Well hello there. I'm your dungeon master, Russ More. Thank you for joining us for episode 65 of Dumbgeons and Dragons, Sweet Dreams in Thay.
Now this is the time where we want to thank you for listening, sharing, liking, retweeting, talking about us in coffee shops down the street. Thank you.
Word of mouth really is the absolute best way to spread the good word of podcasts.
And if you've been with us since the beginning, either having listened along since we launched or have binged through and listened to us kind of spot through here and there, we're thrilled and humbled and honored to have you along with us.
If you're looking for more ways to be involved with the podcast, we invite you to join us over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast say creator to patron, patron to creator driven platform where you sign up for a community and you pledge a monthly fee that fits your budget to become part of the inner circle and the closest knit people within that community.
Right now we're looking to expand some of our offerings that we have going on with a new discord server.
And right now it's exclusive to patrons.
It will be open to the public in January with patron exclusive channels, but we're very excited for it.
We've got a good percentage of our patrons on there right now.
If you are currently a patron, go check out the link to get into discord.
It's in the post there.
You'll be able to find it and come join us.
We're talking.
We're talking the podcast.
We're talking food.
We're talking Austin Powers.
We're talking games and books and movies, and we're having a blast doing it.
I'm really excited about discord.
It's a very community driven thing.
It's much more than Facebook, much more than Twitter, much more than getting shouting out to the ether or getting lost in a newsfeed.
I'm stoked for it.
And if you can be part of the launch community, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And if you can't, we will be opening the server to all listeners, probably about January, beginning of January, where you'll have access to all the general channels.
Patrons will have access to Patreon only stuff.
Again, that's Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
If you can, it's there.
And if you can't, we understand.
There are so many other ways to support the show.
Like I said, word of mouth is really a fantastic way to go.
You can find all the social media links and where to get a hold of us through our website, dumbdragons.com.
And thanks to sirenscape for some of the amazing atmosphere.
Make sure you check them out at sirenscape.com to bring your games to life.
Links for everything mentioned today can be found in the description.
In the next episode, it'll be out Wednesday, December 12th.
But for now, let's see who else had sweet dreams like Flint and Bort did.
Have a great week.
We'll talk soon.
New Laura, you wake up and you had too many margaritas and you're a little hungover.
You had really is the sugar more than the alcohol though.
You go and you complain to Flint.
You had some pretty seriously disturbing dreams, but you can't quite put your finger on what they were.
You just know that you had a night that was not that it was by far not the best sleep you've ever had.
But you probably equated to the fact that you're saving the world from a dragon queen and a cult of dragons.
You you what are you doing in your room?
Because you only slept for like four hours.
You only meditated for like four hours.
Well, I think we went to bed pretty late.
So between like, I don't know, I probably woke up at about came out of my meditative meditative trance at like five a.m.
I like puttered around.
I I made clothes like I put I like swished like clothes and fabrics around myself and like played a little bit of dress up.
So a real rough day compared to Flint, a real range of experiences last night.
Well, no, these feel like really good.
I don't think that she gets hungover.
I think that like her constitution and metabolism of an elf probably doesn't really allow for much of that.
And and so, yeah, no, she was just fresh faced, dewy, just like pretending to make like beautiful clothes, like kind of like saris, like just like gorgeous, like prancing around her room.
Nice. Yeah, sounds awesome.
You all rise in the morning and a knock comes at the door.
Each of your doors and you open it and the many servants come and bring you food for the morning.
Are they undead servants?
They of course are undead servants.
Yeah, yeah.
But the food looks delicious.
Yeah, OK.
They set it down and they begin to walk out.
I let them I'm not interacting with them.
I just I just eat some greasy food.
That's what my hungover body is breathing.
Yeah, I just kind of pick at things because I'm not very hungry.
I had a bit of a rough sleep.
Unless there's like some fancy quesants in there, then I'm going all in on those.
I think I get dressed and I go over and I knock on Flint's door.
Well, that's right.
I'm leaving my room without someone coming to get me.
Yeah, doors, doors unlocked.
You're totally able to do that.
Yeah.
Well, that's good. Yeah.
I guess we never did check to see if we could leave her.
It seemed implied we couldn't because they kept escorting us.
But I go and I knock on Flint's door.
Yeah. Yeah. Come on in.
I open it up. I'm like I cover my eyes.
I'm like, are you are you wearing underwear?
I'm dressed. I'm dressed.
Come on in.
So you left.
You left kind of weird last night.
Is everything OK?
I know you have a lot going on, but.
I yeah, I don't know if if everything is OK.
I had a really weird.
I don't think it was a dream last night.
What do you mean?
Well, kind of had this really.
I'm going to say it's believable experience complete with pain
and whatnot of being tortured by a bunch of wizards last night,
along with Bort, who was not just in my head,
but was like an actual body that was next to me also being tortured.
The walks over and she sits in the hammock because it's a hammock.
She's so tall and graceful.
And she like shows me how gracefully she gets into it.
I'm just like super mad about it.
That's that's really weird.
I'm going to like wander into with some bacon in like each hand or,
you know, the equivalent.
That's really weird. Is that what dreams are normally like?
No, that is not what dreams are like.
OK, good. Yeah, it doesn't sound good.
And I was always jealous, but not so much.
Dreams are normally great.
Or at least if they are scary, you don't feel like you were physically,
you know, beaten up and tortured.
I look over as I'm sitting on the hammock and I see that it's stained red.
And I get up and I'm like, um.
What the fuck? What? Great question.
Oh, God. Guys, I don't know about the I don't know about these wizards.
Yeah, I don't think I can take that dude's deal.
I think it's bad news.
Yeah, I've got some questions.
So it was my understanding that dreams are just a psychological manifestation
of things that you experience during the day because your, you know,
silly mortal brains can't package it all up nicely.
But there's blood over here and you don't look like you're bleeding.
Are you bleeding?
Not I mean, I checked myself out earlier.
Not to my knowledge.
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how to explain it.
I'm going to ring this fucking bell.
New Laura, how were your dreams last night?
I mean, no, nothing compared to that.
It was I had a bad sleep. It was restless.
It was it was bad.
But I just, you know, chalked it up to tequila and the world's ending.
I mean, those are both great reasons to have a troubled sleep.
But yours is next level.
Wizards are getting in your mind.
I ring the bell harder.
Yeah, yeah, obviously. Come in.
And the same fellow that Flint has seen previously,
Flint and Bort have seen previously, enters.
He's a pale human male.
Lots of black and blue and green splotches all over his skin and body.
And he says, Ah, yes, you have risen.
Is there anything I can bring you?
How about some fucking answers?
Is it customary to like harass and like,
like mind fuck the people who are trying to help a similar cause to you?
In their sleep?
I don't know what you're referring to.
Well, then you should go and fulfill my first request of finding some fucking answers.
Can you can you bring Nye Ilmich over here?
We need to talk to her.
Of course, of course.
And he leaves closing the door.
He apparently finds herself very protective of her friends.
So like, what exactly happened in your dream?
It was the weirdest thing.
There was 12 of the red wizards.
And then there was also this like squid type monster, tentacle monster.
And we were being dangled over a cauldron.
It was it was all too much.
What were they asking you?
Questions about our mission.
And I didn't know how to answer some of them.
And that did not seem to please them.
Oh, well, we are not always honest people.
And we have been honest this whole time with them.
So yeah, that's really rough.
It makes me not feel like we need to be very honest.
Come in.
The door opens, Nye Ilmich steps in.
She says, Good morning.
Good morning.
You sent for me, yes?
I was actually on my way to come see you.
It was not a good night for me.
I'm sorry to hear that, Master FlintFirebeard.
Tharchian Seldra Yeth has given her declaration,
if you're willing to hear it, unless you have other issues to attend to.
I would say we have other issues to attend to.
Sorry, I can't tell if you are just playing dumb or if you are dumb
and have no idea what happened to our buddy Flynn here.
I don't know what you're referring to, but...
Dream torture?
The dreams of mortals are a fickle thing and are easily influenced by...
Wizards?
By many things.
Nye Ilmich, how many wizards are in this other offshoot,
this rebel alliance, if you will?
There are no exact numbers.
There are many.
So you don't know how many are with, what, wrath bone?
Wrath bone? No.
Many.
I mean, that's what wrath is short for, correct?
Wizards from Thay have been exiled many times before,
and it is our understanding that he, wrath bone, wrath Modar,
has brought them together.
So there's a considerable number of them. It's not like five.
That is what is to be believed, yes.
Specifically twelve?
Great force.
I mean, I'm just throwing out numbers here.
Numbers.
No, she's just repeating the things we're saying.
Numbers.
Nye Ilmich, do you know that someone has entered Flynn's dreams
and caused him physical and psychological distress
even probably going as far as damaging him
in the real physical realm through his dreams?
That is very troublesome.
Yeah, it is.
It's never happened before we came here.
It's pretty concerning.
Asking a lot of the same questions that he was asked just yesterday.
Interesting.
Yeah, this is a bunch of people in red robes
that were asking those questions.
I have the answers to our questions.
I don't know.
Do you wish to hear the answer to your original question?
I mean, at this point, why the fuck not?
Tharchian Iseldra E.F. will account for the Red Wizards
and has agreed to aid the factions of the Sword Coasts.
And if so granted, I will accompany you as Thay's ambassador to the council.
I don't know.
Like after last night's shenanigans,
it doesn't seem like like teaming up.
You know, I just don't want to be a yes man.
You know, I see what you did there.
Yes.
Yeah.
I mean, I mean, I don't know, guys.
I still think we should take the help.
I think we need all the help we can get.
But like, is this a dagger situation where we're going to have to monitor
what what this helps coming in as?
Or I just don't know.
I mean, it's the end of the world, right?
So I think right now we need the help.
Yeah.
Team adds the imminent threat.
But now we can't you just can't trust the undead.
It seems like certainly seems that way.
But at least now we're not going in with any sort of like the kid gloves are off.
Yeah.
Let's go in knowing knowing that we're that we're a little bit in bed with the devil here,
so to speak.
No offense.
None taken.
If you are ready, we shall depart.
Nile Mitch, can you send a message to Zaz Tam for me that I turned down his offer?
Of course, of course.
He will be very sad to hear of your decision.
But I think he'll understand.
But understands, of course.
If that is all, we shall return to Waterdeep.
She begins a incantation and a glowing circle of runes begins to form around the five of you.
And a bright light comes and you appear back in the teleportation chamber that you left in Waterdeep.
With Leosin and Lady Laryl Silverhand entering the room as the teleportation circle clears.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
Take that feature rest.
Oh, I just had a hiccup at the same time I was talking.
Take that out.
Take it out.
Take it out of there.
And just to be sure, just to be sorry, just to be sure, just because I don't want to get halfway through this scene and then be like, oh, no, it was Flint who made it.
It was Bored that made the 16.
Yep.
Bored made the 16.
Flint made a 15.
Oh, he made a 15.
Sorry, I thought he said 18.
Even better.
No, that was.
Even better.
Initially it was.
You're not paying attention.
Oh, I see.
So I had to subtract one instead of add two.
Right.
Sorry.
Good.
Even better.
That's not good.
That doesn't sound like it's better.
No, it doesn't.
It's such a bad sign when the DM's eyes light up like that.
He shouldn't look gleeful.
Ever.
When he tenses fingers like that, it's even better.
Exactly.
Now, hold on.
There's a really big size difference between Flint and Bored.
Like, are they head to head or are they feet to feet matching?
Because if so, I think that Flint might be dead if Bored's legs are popping.
No, Bored's legs aren't popping.
That was Flint.
Oh.
Yeah.
It's like they've got us both separately wrapped up.
Yeah.
I thought you guys were like.
Back to back.
Yeah.
There's two things.
Yeah.
Tied together.
That's how you made it sound.
I feel him on my back.
Yeah.
But yeah.
Flint, in that instance, was being crushed.
Bored was not.
Gotcha.
So things aren't great, guys.
No, it doesn't sound good.
The inner meditative state.
Can she dream hop?
That'd be really awesome.
Yeah.
Become a dreamwalker.
Yes.
Dreamwalker, Thea.
How can I do that?
Elves don't dream, so.
Oh, yeah, right.
Boo.
That's the reason you didn't roll anything.
I can't wait till Freddy Krueger pops up beside the tentacles.
Hey, bitch.
I can see your ribs, bitch.
It's real.
I have no funny thing.
It just vanished off my tongue.
It's too bad.
Give me some B-roll grunts.
There's one for you.
There's no sound that you could have made.
It would not have been good.
Wouldn't sound like boo.
That's fair.
Make a persuasion check.
Make a sass check.
Make a truth check.
Yeah, sassy pants check.
Wait, is this just like a really bad dream where I'm all tied up in the hammock?
You wake up the next morning like, holy fuck.
Again, arms and legs sticking out at all weird angles.
Yeah, one leg is stuck in the hammock.
I'm dangling out of it.
I'm going to wander in, too, with some bacon in each hand.
Just fist some bacon.
I heard you guys were having a party in here.
She might not have any idea.
I know, but that was part of my question.
Yeah, that was in-game.
You were asking that.
You healedish that, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, sorry.
You guys got off on tangents about dream shit.
I lost my place.
She believes in a thing called love.
Oh, God.
Just listen to the rhythm of her heart.
Yeah.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.